My medicine cabinet looked like a crime scene of skincare gone wrong. I’m talking forty-seven individually-opened bottles of snake oil guaranteeing me skin like Brad Pitt. Eighty-dollar charcoal masks that literally do nothing.
“Revolutionary” moisturizers that feel like bacon grease on your face. Sandpaper-face washes that took me three months to realise were scratching the shit out of my skin. It wasn’t until four years ago that I learned what was truly going on.
My youngest daughter, Sophie, went through a phase where she wouldn’t kiss me goodnight because my skin was so dry and bumpy. She literally called my face “scratchy”.
That’s when my wife Lauren stepped in after watching me use three separate products every morning in what can only be described as a totally-random order.
“What is that green thing supposed to do?” she asked while pointing at an expensive gel I had applied as part of my seven-step morning ritual. “It umm… detoxifies?” I responded after realising I didn’t actually know what it did. She snatched it from my hand and read the ingredients.
Threw it back in the cabinet then gave me the death stare only wives can give husbands when they’ve embarrassed themselves. “Patrick, this costs HOW MUCH?! You’re literally putting poison on your face then paying money to wash it off!” she exclaimed.
Welcome to the wonderful world of men’s skincare. Brands prey on our stupidity and dump sh*t into bottles that will break you out worse than before you started. Sexy, minimal packaging and clever marketing is designed to manipulate us into thinking fancy-sounding ingredients work when they really don’t.
It’s called Targeting Dudebros 101 at Branding University. After Lauren ruined my budding skincare obsession we became friends. She helped me talk to dermatologists and experts who educated me on exactly what works (and why).
I read ingredients lists like they were terms and conditions and put countless products on my face until I finally settled on a routine that actually works for me. If you want clear skin (and don’t hate when your wife throws your $70 moisturizer in the rubbish) here’s everything you need to know. Buy all your skincare for men from women.
Okay, not *every* product. But listen to me when I say this: products specifically marketed towards men are almost always worse than their female counterparts. Dudezym moisturizer that costs three times as much but comes in a darker bottle with “HYPERMASculine” stamped on the side?
Terrible. Skin expert Dr. Jen Kim told me last year that skincare has nothing to do with your gender.
“Skin doesn’t have a gender. This whole idea that men need very different products than women is false and mostly driven by marketing.” Male skin is only slightly thicker and more oily on average. If you have dry skin, you have dry skin.
Don’t let companies convince you otherwise based on your genitalia. So if you’re a man with dry skin, you have more in common skincare-wise with women with dry skin than you do with other men who don’t happen to have dry skin. Yet we line the pockets of these companies by buying into their bullshit marketing every day.
Don’t believe me? Google the ingredients in NIVEA face wash and compare it to Sunday Riley’s trendy wipes that cost nine times as much. Same stuff.
Now look at the packaging of each and tell me which you think is for males and which is for females. Start with the basics. Here are the things every man should have, period.
Face Wash I used to spend $100 on “cleaning solutions” that felt like sandpaper and gave me breakout after breakout. Then I foundCeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser for about fifteen bucks. Nothing revolutionary here, just a gentle cleanser that gets your skin clean without drying it out or causing irritation.
No alphahydroxy acids. No snake oil ingredients. It’s a thin gel that washes off easily and leaves your skin smooth and hydrated.
Bonus points if you use it everywhere. Keep a bottle at home, one in the shower, one in your gym bag, and one in your travel kit. Trust me – running out of face wash when you’re stuck on holiday is about as fun as a man can have scraping chunks off his face with his fingernails.
Daytime Moisturizer With SPF Did you know that UV damage is the leading cause of aged skin? Anti-aging creams are just catching sun damage after the fact. You want to prevent it before it starts.
But you HAVE to use sunscreen every single day. Sun damage doesn’t happen because you went to the beach without sunscreen. You get it every day by going outside.
Once, twice, thirty times! Sun damage is cumulative, which means the more you do now, the worse your skin will look ten years from now. Don’t have twenty minutes to spend washing your face every morning?
Apply sunscreen. That’s enough to drastically increase your skin’s appearance ten years down the road. Invest in a good moisturizer with built-in SPF.
My go-to is Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen. It retails for thirty-six dollars but feels NOTHING like traditional sunscreen. It’s completely invisible, doesn’t leave white stripes all over your beard, and will immediately improve how your skin looks.
If you can’t stomach that price point, Neutrogena makes a hydrating version with SPF 50 that works almost as well for 22 bucks. Nighttime Moisturizer (No SPF) This is the same recommendation as the daytime moisturizer but at night. You don’t need sunscreen after dark so find a moisturizer with similar hydrating ingredients.
Again, ingredients are what matter, not the marketing spiel on the bottle. Something like CeraVe PM is great because it actually buffs key nutrients into your skin instead of just sitting on top. It has niacinamide and ceramides, which help strengthen your skin over time.
You Might Also Like
There’s also antioxidants, but that’s kids’ letters for “science stuff that helps your face”. Seriously though – that’s it. Buy those three products and you will 1000% notice a difference if you’re currently not doing anything for your skin.
Stop reading this rubbish and go order them now. You’ll look better than 90% of men overnight with that simple routine. But what if you want to go further?
What if you actually like washing your face and want to reap the benefits of added steps? Well, as you dive deeper into your skincare journey, there are a few patriarchal* scams to avoid. *”Patriarchal” as in “specifically targets men”. Chemical Exfoliants This is where you can get fancy.
Do you like your skin feeling smooth and soft? Then use a chemical exfoliant 1-3 times per week. Stop scrubbing your face with globs of tiny rocks that injure your face.
They may feel satisfying but those damaged microscopic tears are not sexy. Speaking of sexy,The Ordinary makes a fantastic Glycolic Acid cleanser for just ten bucks. After cleansing, splash your face with warm water then apply the acid solution to your face in circular motions.
Follow up with moisturizer and get ready for compliments left and right. Your girlfriend will not believe how good you suddenly look. If glycolic acid irritates your skin (it’s possible, everyone’s different), tryPaula’s Choice 2% BHA.
It costs about double but contains less potency so should be easier on your skin. Vitamin C Serum Starting to see sun damage or fine lines? Waking up more tired than when you went to bed?
Throw a vitamin C serum in your morning routine before sunscreen. Seriously. It helps with dullness, age spots, and has been shown to reduce the appearance of fine lines over time.
Trust me. Timeless makes an awesome 20% Vitamin C that works just as good as the Celebrex cleanser we all wish we could afford. Keep it in the fridge for even longer freshness.
Retinol Retinol after 30. Every dermatologist I spoke with agreed that retinol is the only thing proven to reduce fine lines and improve your skin’s overall texture. Start using it every night after cleansing and watch your skin clear up over time.
Same rules apply here. Start slow. Once or twice a week.
Build up as your skin gets used to it. Differin Gel is available over the counter for fifteen bucks and used to be a prescription-only skincare staple. Take it from someone who spent twenty years using nothing on his face – that can make all the difference.
Yes, your skin will hate you when you first start. But it’ll learn to love you again after a few weeks of consistent use. There’s your basic introduction to every skincare ingredient you’ll ever need.
Want to dive deeper? Here’s some scams that prey specifically on dudes. Activated Charcoal Yep.
Every tube of that rubbish DOES NOTHING. If you haven’t been poisoned and are not laying in an emergency room bed – activated charcoal is not “pulling toxins” out of your skin. Stop listening to TikToks and using products because some fitness influencer talked about how it “worked for them”.
Pore Strips & Peel-Off Masks Trust me. They feel amazing to use but are causing longterm damage to your skin. Yep, that black gunk MAY come out of your nose when you rip it off but you’re drying your skin out and causing broken capillaries!
Those spots on your nose are genetic and will return in a few days no matter what. Stop hurting your face and wash it with soap and water like a normal person. Men’s Eye Creams Guys spend way too much money on creams that promise to reduce under eye circles when your regular moisturizer works just as well.
Again, ingredients are what matter. If the eye cream has key ingredients your regular moisturizer doesn’t, go ahead and use it. But if they’re similar – save your money.
Alcohol ANY skincare product with alcohol listed high on the ingredient list is terrible for your skin. Sure, it might smell nice and feel cool at first because it’s stripping the natural oils from your face. But it’s destroying your skin’s ability to retain moisture which makes you believe you need more moisturizer.
It’s bullshit cycle these companies have created and profited from for decades. Instant Results The longer you use a skincare product, the better it should feel. If it “melts your wrinkles away” or “refreshes your skin INSTANTLY” it’s probably just plumping your face with water or masking your skin with chemicals that make you look temporary good.
These are just gimmicks and you shouldn’t autumn for it. Men’s skincare doesn’t have to suck.
Not every product will break you out or leave your skin feeling irritated.
Spend the extra two minutes every day taking care of your skin and you’ll notice a big difference. Guys love to complain about how much time skincare takes. News flash – you spend longer deciding what film to watch than you do washing your face.
My friend Mike is a bricklayer and lives outside all summer in Houston, Texas. He spent twenty years using Walgreens brand aftershave then listened to me rant about skincare for like five minutes. I got him started on this exact routine and within six months the redness he thought would never go away was gone.
“I just figured that’s how red my face was gonna be forever,” he said. Yeah… no. Just hurt it every day.
So go out and slap some CeraVe all over your face. Your Future Self will thank you.
