The invite had said “formal attire”, but I still found myself locked in combat with my friend Danny in the car park of the wedding venue twenty minutes before we were due to make an entrance. “Brown shoes with that suit? No way,” I said. He was wearing a navy two-piece suit that, were it not for his shoes, would have been entirely wedding-appropriate.
He looked at me like I’d told him that he should really just go to the wedding naked. “Oh come on, Wright. What’s wrong with brown shoes? These cost me £200 from Russell & Bromley, they’re hardly desert boots!” I attempted to clarify exactly what “no brown in town” meant; the subtle nuances of formalwear etiquette stating that brown shoes should never be worn with a navy suit for fancy occasions.
He stared blankly at me for a few seconds until, exasperated, he shouted over the din of arriving guests: “Wright, mate, it’s Dave and Sarah’s wedding in Buckinghamshire. It’s not an audience with the fucking Queen.” Stop right there.
Allow me to linger on that sentence, my friends, because if you asked me to encapsulate the rift between old-fashioned British wedding attire rules and how modern, real men actually dress for their friends’ weddings in 2025, I could not have said it better myself.
I own a battered copy of Debrett’s that sits proudly on my bookshelf. It’s something I’ve clearly inherited from my grandfather, who was the type of man who wore a tie when putting out the bins. Beside it, I have my dog-eared copy of Hardy Amies’ ABC of Men’s Fashion, along with roughly six other tomes dedicated to traditional British tailoring.
And yet, these gentlemen will all tell you exactly the same thing in thirty different ways. Rules. Ridiculously specific rules about which suit you should wear for which occasion depending on the time of day, location, season, weather, alignment of the planets, and probably the quality of dad you want to present to your fellow guests.
Wear morning dress for daytime weddings. Black tie is only acceptable after six o’clock in the evening. Brown shoes with a formal suit are a definite no-no.
Never wear a waistcoat that doesn’t match your trousers. Ties should only be exactly 3.5 inches wide. Top hats should always be carried, never worn indoors.
Don’t wear a waistcoat with shorts. Oh, and … save up your pennies because tailoring this good costs money. Look, I get it.
I really do. Morning dress is perfect for summer weddings in the countryside. Black tie does give you an excuse to own a tuxedo jacket you’ll likely never wear again.
Grey flannels are the ideal compliment to bare legs in August. But what happens when you’ve got a winter wedding in the city? What do you wear to a wedding on a beach in Cornwall in July?
What the fuck do you do if you’re six-foot-five with arms like Lionel Ritchie and no brand carries your goddamn size in proper morning dress? Oh, that’s right. You adapt.
This summer I went to seven weddings. Yes, you read that correctly, seven weddings between May and September. The catch-upWedding Bingo pattern courtesy of our pandemic-era weddings-within-weddings has become very real, friends.
And trust me, I was beyond prepared. Dates circled on my calendar, new-ish suits purchased, seaside-appropriate shirt neatly folded in my cupboard. But you know what I noticed as I tipped champagne down my throat on more Saturdays than I could count?
Modern men are dressing up to historically high levels for weddings. They’re just not doing it by the outdated rulebook. Perhaps it was naive of me to expect my cousin Mark to wear morning dress for his wedding in the Lake District national park last May (invitation “requesting the pleasure of your company for formal wear”), but it wasn’t until we pulled up to the registry office that I realised just how few guests had taken that literally.
Out of 120 men, only three wore actual morning coats with striped trousers (yes, you have to wear stripes with morning dress). The father of the bride (rented, as he drunkenly admitted afterwards), the bride’s uncle who also happens to be an actual lord with an actual castle, and one young man wearing… something vintage and clearly expensive-looking that he referred to repeatedly as his “uniform” and “what everyone will be wearing.” I asked him later on who he was (again, whilst hiding from the ceilidh). “Oh! Trainee butler at The Ritz.
Thought that’s what everyone would be wearing.” The rest of the guests wore traditional menswear suits in every shade of blue imaginable, from navy to charcoal to what I almost called black but wasn’t quite. I even spotted one guy wearing a vintage velvet smoking jacket as his outfit of choice, which honestly might’ve flown with Grandpa Sid but looked extremely inappropriate on his friend of the groom, an artisan gin-maker. Guess what though?
It looked amazing. Absolute paradise. Because not one person rocked up in ill-fitting polyester rented suit comedy shirt and glasses they grabbed from the car.
Because nobody showed up in a f*cking morning coat that they awkwardly stuffed back into the cab because they won’t wear it anywhere but weddings. The blokes who attended wore tailored suits that FIT THEM. They paired them with gorgeous linen or lightweight wool jackets they’ve actually worn before.
And they accessorised with cool-kids-pocket-squares-and-ties-that-don’t-look-like-they-should’ve-been-started-by-a-navy-force-trauma-patient. Let’s break down exactly what the modern British man is wearing to weddings… SUIT You know those rules I listed up above about formalwear traditions? Feel free to chuck them all out of the window.
Because if there’s one thing I learned from seven weddings in one summer, it’s that Navy is the new black. If you’re old enough to remember when nineties interview-job grey was considered navy, you’ll understand just how far we’ve come. These days, everyone and their dad are buying suits in mid-blue that actually fit, in subtle patterns with interesting textures that look great on film.
Herringbone, lightweight hopsack for summer months, even a barely-noticeable cheque if you’re feeling brave. Waughton & Smith, Eldridge Corey, Quilter, Anderson & Sheppard… the list of smaller British brands producing perfectly acceptable and supersonically stylish suits that you can actually wear to multiple weddings without repeating goes on. Weddings guest suits still need to be sharp.
The fabric can have just enough texture to it that you know someone gave a shit about how it would look on camera these days though. My mid-blue stalwart from Rob Mills & Sons has become something of a wedding workhorse, appearing inadvertently (and somewhat embarrassingly) in the wedding albums of at least four different couples I’ve had the pleasure of attending this year alone. It’s looser fitting than my workplace suit (always remember; you’re going to want to dance.
A LOT. And also probably eat enough for four at the wedding breakfast), with slightly moreGive Yourself Room To Moveallowance in the jacket and the trousers to accommodate said dancing and food. And for God’s sake make sure it fits perfectly.
You know the drill by now: Trying-on-at-home-with-kids-and-pet-columns-and-video-interviews-with-real-peoples’-wives. Nothing screams I Don’T GIVE A F**K LIKE A CUSTOM-TAILORED SUIT THAT HOLDS YOU IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES. But what about shirt?
Ah, the trusty white shirt. It might still be reigning supreme from a colour perspective but believe me, guys are upgrading their choice of collar these days. My friend James who works at one of those midlands menswear chains I keep name-dropping estimates they sell twice as many cutaway collars these days compared to 10 years ago. “Blokes have finally realised their head shape should dictate their collar type,” James explained to me between glasses of champagne at his own wedding in Edinburgh.
Whilst we were both hiding from the ceilidh. “And anyone that watches Stevey from Rivet Tailor on Instagram has realised you can cut your own clothes too.” As with everything these days though, attention has been paid to the minutiae. While your granddad would have happily bought a ready-made Windsor knot from whoever made his suit, James reckons he now sells neckties “at least twice as wide as they are deep.” Gone are the massive inflated bubble knots of the 80s power-suited idiots. British men have finally learnt that the knot should only be as wide as your collar spread and neck can realistically accommodate.
We may lost the war on baggie tie knots, but this is a major step in the right direction. TIES Thankfully the biggest problems with modern wedding attire seem to exist ABOVE the ankles. But that doesn’t mean there haven’t been changes.
Just as men have ignored the (admittedly quite ridiculous) rules surrounding morning/evening dress and tie protocol, they’ve also started treating brown shoes as a valid option. Whilst Danny and I may never see eye-to-eye on his surreptitious selection of brown leather for a country-house garden wedding, he was speaking far more common than you think. Traditionally you either wear black or brown shoes with a suit.
Full stop. That’s what Debrett’s would like you to believe anyway. I can count on one hand the number of pairs of shoes I owned before the age of 25 that weren’t black.
Brown shoes were banned from cities, towns, and villages across Britain until very recently. Now put your hand down, shoe criminals. THE RETURN OF BROWN Look, I’m as shocked as you are.
Brown shoes used to be THE cardinal sin of men’s fashion. Ask anyone who remembers suit-shopping in the mid-2010s and I can guarantee you they were told by their local tailor “you can either have black shoes with grey… or black shoes with navy.” Brown shoes with suits weren’t just frowned upon, they didn’t exist. Until they did.
It started slowly at first; friends whispering to me quietly about the mustard-yellow shoes they spotted on Jason Sudeikis in some TV show or another. Soon patterns emerged; celebrities wearing bright yellow or orange shoes with denim. Mick Jagger wearing bright green footwear with a black leather jacket on newspaper front covers.
Until, like trousers-folding, everyone and their mum were wearing colourful shoes with suits because jeans-and-a-tee-with-random-coloured-shoes isn’t cool anymore… WAIT. It is cool again. Just, with a suit.
And a brown one at that. Amidst all the navy suits at my friends’ Lake District wedding, I counted at least six different pairs of brown shoes on others. Not to mention the burgundy pairs, the greens, the faded black ones that probably think they’re brown… it was actually quite brilliant.
So pair a blue suit with orange shoes? FUCK YOU THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SAYING. Just know that, done correctly, it doesn’t have to look gaudy.
Guys are finally understanding shape and what suits REAL shoes. Get quality leather that feels as good as it looks, and learn how to match the shade to your suit. Trust me, your feet will look up at you one day and thank you for it.
WAISTCOATS Look, I’m going to be honest with you guys; nobody gives a toss what colour your waistcoat is. But they will definitely judge you if you wear your suit trousers with your morning coat. K new that.
In terms of modern waistcoat-wearing etiquette, the rules are wide. As wide as the double-breasted cycling waistcoat Grandpa Sid wore on his honeymoon. Yes buddy, we see you over there rocking that Union Jack print.
What we don’t see… are you wearing a shirt underneath? Co-ord sets are very much still a thing and it’s harder than ever to tell if that flash of skin you think you’re rockin’ palatial 19th-century rigmarole actually matches. If you choose to wear a waistcoat to a wedding now, make it count.
Pair a traditional navy or dove-grey morning dress waistcoat with an unexpected Liberty print number. Or go bolder with contrasting colours that don’t match your suit AT ALL. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t have to match.
Well, sort of. Remember my friends Marcus and Becky who I mentioned back when I wrote about polyester shirts? Fast forward ten years and the now-married couple own a tailor’s shop in Leeds, where Marcus tells me waistcoats are one of the most requested customisations. “It’s mad.
Men that wouldn’t dream of wearing two different coloured suits from Erdem will somehow justify any ridiculous print in a waistcoat and think they’ve won Menswear Oscars or something,” he laughed to me last Autumn, wearing a relatively boring-looking green tweed 3-piece of his own design. “They wear them like kid’s vests. Every outfit needs a waistcoat now.” Accessories. You’ll notice we haven’t mentioned hats.
Well, God help us, no one’s wearing those anymore either. Unless you’re super-old, got a fucking monocle stuck to your face, and/or the wedding is Ascot, you’re not wearing a hat to a modern British wedding. It’s as simple as that.
According to ancient copies of Debrett’s and most minor letters of Social Appropriateness I’ve ever read, there are pages and pages about when you should wear your top hat, when to merely carry it, and when you should cheque it at the door. They might as well write an entire chapter about wearing them to weddings too because that about how often you’ll see one these days. I made the mistake of asking my groomsmen if they wanted to rent some with their suits at a traditional Chelsea wedding last year and was met with confusion and suspicion.
Ten years ago my future father-in-law would’ve turned up in one. These days, he (thankfully) wore a trilby. In fact, the only person wearing a top hat all day was the guest speaker, who looked like he’d travelled back in time to attend the wedding himself.
We literally had to stop him so people could take pictures. WITH HIS TOP HAT ON. Speaking of hats… hats other than top hats are making a surprising comeback at weddings.
I’ve seen flat caps at farmyard weddings that teetered-on-cheesy-as-hell, coloured panamas at summer wedding ceremonies, and – shock horror – even some standard felt dress hats I’d honestly forgotten about until I saw them popping up on Instagram Stories. Proper hats. Not top hats.
They must be at least 70s revival at this point because nobody’s cool enough to be starting that trend. FINAL THOUGHTS Modern British men aren’t dressing better for weddings than ever before, they’re dressing DIFFERENTLY for weddings than ever before. Hell, even my parents have cottoned on; my dad wearing a navy-blue suit that wouldn’t have looked out-of-place had he turned up in Hudson Valley in the 50s.
But his shirt? A tropical print with Hawaiian shirt-level vibes, clearly hand-picked by his wife. And that’s the difference.
Suit may have changed (and for the better), but we’re also allowing ourselves to have some fun with our outfits now. Modern tailoring and presentation are better than they’ve ever been. You’re spoiled for choice when it comes to suit-shopping these days.
But the beauty of ditching tie rules, specific morning/evening dress obligations, and brown shoe bans is that guys can actually put some thought into what they’re wearing to weddings again. No one’s wearing jeans (despite what the doomsday said declaring casual dress would become the new norm back in the 2010s). But they’re no longer just buying “off-the-rack suits that fit kinda okay.” Buy a good suit that FITS YOU and knows how to break out of the grey/navy club and experiment with patterns and shades to find something that actually compliments your skin tone and body shape.
Not’elevenses foods. Shirts still largely fit into the white-collar domain these days, but do you know what? Who cares if your tie matches your pocket square?
It looks fuc**ng amazing. My friend Vijay had shirts I didn’t understand at university.
Now, ten years later, he and his sister picked the absolute perfect navy 3-piece suit for her wedding – a traditional affair in London with Indian-inspired bridesmaid dresses and floralcentre parts.
It wouldn’t have looked out of place in, say, a Cambridge college in the 1930s. But he paired it with a silk pocket square with Indian-inspired patterns paying homage to her family’s heritage, a gold wristwatch he’d inherited from his grandfather, and gold cufflinks made from old British coins. They broke no written rule in the book of wedding-appropriate neckwear, but came together to form a look that was suitably formal but still represented THEM.
And that is the key. We know why certain traditions were put in place (uniformity, harmony, ensuring you dressed appropriately for the occasion). Now we can have fun playing around with those traditions and twisting them to fit us in the modern world.
Look, wearing brown shoes with a navy suit is never really going to be super traditional. But wearing well-considered, well-shaped brown shoes that compliment your suit and actually FIT YOUR GODDAMN FEET can still uphold the spirit of dressing well for a wedding without adhering to some archaic rulebook no one lives by anymore. As Danny and I begrudgingly strutted into the wedding venue; him still baffled by the fluidity of British dress rules and me nursing a black eye from trying to grab his shoes, he suddenly paused and turned to me. “You know what else matters for a wedding outfit?” I braced myself.
Comfort? Authenticity? “Suit pockets,” he replied. “Big enough to fit all the buffet snacks you’re gonna steal while they’re doing the group photos.” Some traditions never change.
