It was 10:37 PM on a Tuesday when I received a text from my friend Marcus that read: “DUDE. JEANS CRISIS. I’m normally a 34 in Levi’s but somehow a 32 in these Japanese dudes jeans that I love and now I’m trying to order them online and I DON’ KNOW WHAT SIZE I AM ANYMORE.” Attached was a blurry selfie of him looking defeated and half-buttoned in a fitting room.
I roared laughing. Not at him, mind you – at the shared misery that is jean shopping these days. Nothing marks you as a man like the endless quest for a pair of denim that fits – you think you’ve finally got it mastered ( Fuck!
I’m a 34 all the way across!), and then you find a brand that changes your entire understanding of the numeric system. I like to think of it as a man’s hell: The Eighth Circle of Jean Sizes.
Last month I did a little experiment where I tested my theory that jean sizing is a massive lie.
I went into seven different stores across Manhattan and tried on jeans. What did I discover? In order to find my size I had to wear trousers that were anywhere from a 31 – 36.
Not one measurement was the same. Thirty-four inches wasn’t actually thirty-four inches; it was whatever that brand wanted thirty-four inches to be. Trousers don’t understand math.
I’ve been writing about menswear for almost 15 years now and if there’s one topic that receives more questions from readers/email DMs/panicked phone calls/late night texts than any other, it’s people freaking out about jean sizes. My normally mild-mannered friends who can give or take your professional opinions on just about anything suddenly can’t agree on the size waistband they comfortably wear. I get it.
There’s no magical unicorn brand out there that fits every body the same across every cut/style/fabric. It makes no damn sense! So how does one navigate this madness?
After years of trial and error shopping for myself and others and speaking with jeans makers from Los Angeles to Kojima Japan, I’ve learned a few things that actually work. They won’t steal your sanity back, but they’ll make your life a lot easier than randomly picking a size based on what you think you are. Before we dive into all that, let’s talk about why this madness occurs in the first place.
Trousers used to be accurately sized way back when. I’m talking way back – prehistoric, caveman before trousers weren’t even invented back. Way back in the pre-1950s, men’s clothing was actually measured in inches that matched actual inches on your body.
A men’s size 34 waist meant that the waistband actually measured 34 inches around. Simple! Then along came vanity sizing.
Clothiers began labelling their clothing with smaller sizes to make you feel better about yourself. Pretty genius when you think about it. Suddenly a man who wears a size 36 could buy clothes labelled a size 34 and think, “Oh hey, I’m still a size 34 waist just like when I was in college!” (<- Said no man ever.) Factor in that different denim weaves (100% cotton versus stretch denim) stretch differently, various construction techniques create differences in sizing between makers, rises (how high the jeans sit on your waist) can alter how a waistband fits – not to mention bags of saline wreak havoc on your body – and you have a recipe for sizing disaster.
Oh yeah, did I mention how many jeans brands sell “raw” or “unsanforized” denim that shrinks up to 3 inches in the waist once washed? I bought my first pair of expensive Japanese selvedge jeans years ago and confidently ordered my “true size.” When they got washed for the first time I couldn’t even button them. Cue *year of aggravation voice*.
That $285 lesson still sticks with me today. Ok rant over. Hopefully I’ve proven my point: You aren’t weird in the hips.
Or butt. Shopping for jeans sucks for everyone. Even (especially!) those of us that cover this shit for a living.
What actually works? Let’s walk through it. Buy Immediately disregard anything you think you “size” as being.
You are not a 34 waist. You are a 33 waist in Levi’s 501s, a 32 in Levi’s jean with stretch, a freaking 36 in some European brand you can’t pronounce. You get the point.
Stop thinking of these numbers as having any meaning outside of “this particular pair of trousers from this particular brand in this particular fabric currently fits me.” Ignore Size Charts When Shopping Online: Let me repeat that because it’s super important. Ignore size charts when buying jeans online.*Most* brand’s size charts are lies. Dreams they wish were true.
What does work? Customer reviews (when available) that specifically mention how the jeans fit that person along with – this is key – the jeans’ rise measurement. The rise refers to how high the jeans sit on your waist (measure from the crotch seam to the top of the waistband) and is often the secret reason why you may be a different size in different styles from the same brand.
Low rise jeans have a rise that sits below your natural waist, meaning that a pair of low-rise jeans with a “waist measurement” of 34″ will literally fit differently than a 34″ pair of high-rise jeans. The rise is the single biggest reason why you might be a 34 in one style from a brand and a 32 in another. Buy Multiple Sizes: This should be your standard practise when buying jeans online.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, it creates a giant headache of keeping track of what you’ve bought and subsequently need to return. But (majority of brands) don’t do universal sizing, and likely won’t until we invent world peace, so it’s the only way to know for certain what will fit.
Buy the size you normally wear, one size up, and one size down. If the brand offers free shipping both ways, buy even more variants of the same jeans and have your own little fitting room party in your living room. My friend Trevor once tried selvedge jeans for the first time and instead of picking one size, he bought the exact pair he wanted in five sizes.
His wife thought he was trying to murder her with laundry, but he just explained it was cheaper to return four than be stranded with a $250 waist upon wash. Do Your Research: When it comes to shopping for a brand you haven’t tried before, leave no stone unturned. Cheque Reddit for forums dedicated to discussing how certain jean brands fit.
Search Instagram for real people wearing different brands. Heck, Google “does X brand run big or small?” and chase that rabbit hole as far as it’ll take you. There’s a wealth of info out there if you know where to look.
Start With Their Signature Fit: Once you’ve settled on a brand to actually purchase from, start with their flagship style. For Levi’s, this means the 501. For most Japanese brands, it’s their “original” or “regular” straight fit.
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Brands design their sizing systems around their best seller so that all other cuts are just a variation of that. Learn how that core style fits and you’ve basically cracked the code on every other style they offer. How to Try On Jeans: Now that you’ve done the detective work, it’s time to buckle up and actually try some jeans on.
But before you start you should know a few tricks of the trade to determine whether or not a pair of jeans truly fits or just sort of looks like it does. Sit Down: This should go without saying, but any pair of jeans you try on MUST be worn while sitting at least once. If they don’t fit perfectly standing up you’ll know for sure once you sit down.
Does the waistband pinch uncomfortably? Does the crotch threaten to sever your genitals from your body? THEY DO NOT FIT.
Move on. Phone-Keys-Wallet Test: Once you know the waist fits, stand up and throw your everyday essentials in the pockets. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve fallen for jeans that “seem to fit” just to have my phone create an unsightly bubble on my thigh or my keys cut off circulation to my testicles.
Yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way too. If you wear your phone jeans pockets all the time, make sure those fit too. For raw denim, use the pinch test.
You should be able to comfortably pinch about an inch and a half of fabric at your waist. Any less and they’ll shrink away from you. Any more and you’ll never be able to button them post-wash (trust me, I tried).
Stretch vs Non-Stretch: This is largely personal preference but I’m going to nerd out on you for a hot second. 100% cotton jeans will NEVER feel as comfortable as a pair of jeans with some stretch, at least when you first put them on. However, they will also mold to your body better over time and WILL age more gracefully.
That being said, if you live in your jeans (aka sit at a desk all day, bend over a lot, MOVE), I’m a fan of at least a couple percent of stretch. My personal sweet spot is 2-3%. Just enough to enhance comfort, but not so much that the jeans lose their shape rapidly.
My colleague Damon once proclaimed he’d never wear “stretchy mum jeans.” Until he took a red eye flight and refused to remove his favourite pair of rigid Selvage jeans. Text from 30,000 feet: “these fucks are trying to cut me in half. CONVERTING.” To save you the agony, buy one of each.
Keep your rigid jeans for when you’re standing around showing off your ankles, and save the stretchy ones for when you’re alive. Altering Jeans: Something we haven’t touched on yet is altering jeans. Just because you find a pair that fits in every aspect except one doesn’t mean you should give up.
A lot of guys will shy away from jeans that need alterations because they don’t want to pay extra. You need trousers that fit – IF IT COSTS EXTRA, TAKE IT TO A TAOLER. Simple as that.
The most common jean alteration is hemming, which is also pretty much always necessary. Inseam sizes are about as standardized as the jeans waist measurements. But don’t be afraid to get creative.
If the jeans are almost perfect across your entire body except for the waist, have your tailor take in the waistband. It’ll cost you a few bucks more but it’s totally worth it. My dad has the perfect fitting vintage Levi’s 501s from the 70’s that were about two inches too big in the waist when we bought them.
Rather than passing on a gold mine, we had them tailored down and now my dad has the literal perfect fitting jeans in existence. Sure they weren’t perfect off the rack, but that’s 100% ok. Fit Is Subjective: Another little secret I’ll let you in on: There is no universal style or fit of jeans that fits every body.
It’s a trendy narrative pushed by people who write about this stuff for a living that say things like “High Waisted, Bootcut jeans with a 32″ circumference waist are the only way to wear jeans.” News flash – they aren’t! Find what fits your body and complements your shape. Sure, your dresser may hate you when you pull out that vintage pair of Crazyhorse slouchy mum jeans you refuse to part with, but if you feel amazing wearing them who the fuck cares?!?
My friend Michael who works at a heritage denim boutique in Brooklyn once told me: “You know your jeans fit perfectly when you forget you’re even wearing them.” If you find yourself constantly adjusting your jeans, they don’t fit! Seriously, stop listening to old men on the internet telling you how your jeans should fit and figure out what works for you. Bonus Tip: New to shopping for jeans?
Here’s an actionable game plan to find your perfect pair. 1. Start With A “Generic” Brand: Pick a legacy brand that you know will fit you well and that offers free returns (Levi’s, Gap, Uniqlo are good bets) and buy multiple sizes and styles.
2. Find your fit: Once you’ve found your jam in these more basic brands, use their sizing as a jumping off point when exploring more stylized brands. 3.
Keep Notes: This is something I cannot stress enough. Keep a detailed notebook (yes, I said notebook) with you when shopping for jeans so you can jot down the sizes you’ve tried at each store. Trust me, your future will thank you.
4. Expect to Experiment: You’ll probably have to try on a bunch of jeans to find the ones that fit you perfectly, but that’s half the fun! I keep a note on in my phone that has me size across ~20 different brands.
Is it obsessive?
Maybe. Does it help me avoid costly mistakes and the uniquely humiliating process of returning jeans purchased online?
You betcha. Oh, and about my friend Marcus from the opening text havoc? He ended up finding his holy grail jeans, ordered his “normal size” (a straight cut selvedge brand from small brand in the US) and swore off the entire situation.
“I stopped worrying about what size I was” he said. Profound dude. Because at the end of the day your size only matters if you need to reorder that exact same pair down the road.
Other than that, it’s just a useless number. Good luck out there, denim tourists. May your journey be elusive, but when you do find that perfect pair… Buy Two.
More brands discontinue jeans than can properly fit your junk.*
