Let me tell you what really grinds my gears about British social dress codes. The phrase “dress appropriately.” Here’s why: it’s deliberately obfuscating. It exists to mess with the minds of any poor soul that wasn’t privately schooled in a location where decades of tacit knowledge has been passed down from classically educated father to WASP son.
Here I received and answered one last week: a charity auction at which I should “dress appropriately.” Oh, great. You’re doing me a favour. Thanks.
In 25 years of practicing law I have been burnt too many times embarrassing myself by under- or over-dressing to have finally cracked the code. Learning how to decipher invitations is like learning a new language that no one will teach you, but everyone expects you to already know.
Lucky for you, I didn’t.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to learn the hard way twice. So let’s start at the beginning: WHY DOES THIS PHRASE DRIVE US MAD? Because “dress appropriately” is an intentionally vague phrase masquerading as a helpful hint.
My father grew up with this knowledge because he was born and raised a Boston Brahmin. His knowledge of when to wear what was hard-coded. I wasn’t so lucky.
I’ve made mistakes. I once wore white trousers to a wedding. Actual white trousers.
Remember how I said it’s kind of a social hell? That was IT. The first place most guys encounter this ridiculous game of Russian roulette is with weddings.
Weddings are the worst because the parameters are constantly changing. Church wedding at 1400 with reception at the country club? Suit.
Not your work suit. That goes in the office. Wear your birthday suit.
I’m kidding. Wear your “oh my gosh someone’s getting married! !” suit. Which means Suit.
Khaki is okay for summer. No jeans. Ever.
Not EVEN if the couple JUST ASKS you to. Tie is mandatory. Yes, even if your girlfriend tries to convince you that ties are antiquated.
Wear a tie. Pocket square? I would only wear one if you are OVER the age of thirty-five and the invitation specifically says black tie.
If you are UNDER thirty-five and it does not specifically say black tie… leave the pocket square at home. Trust me. Moving on.
If the groom is wearing a morning suit, you might be too. This isn’t written anywhere. Someone will just KNOW that morning dress is required.
How will they know? YEARS of subtle British signals they’ve interpreted subconsciously. You’ll know too.
By spending your whole life wondering why you showed up in a black suit while EVERYBODY ELSE wears something ridiculous with breeches. Here’s how I know: five years ago I showed up to the wedding of a law firm colleague’s son and destroyed it. My dark grey suit was GREAT.
Unfortunately, it was also DEFINITELY NOT MORNING SUIT. I felt like Woody garbling drunken apologies the entire time. To be fair, the kid’s dad asked me if I was reading the electricity metre.
True story. Since then I HAVE known. Country House Weekend.
Strap in, kids. This may be tough. The concept of dressing for “country house weekend” is arcane knowledge that most men my age have never had to learn.
But thankfully for you, I HAVE. Guys. You will need multiple outfits for a country house weekend.
Multiple. Why? Because you are essentially playing multiple parts throughout the course of the weekend.
Example: Daytime looks = “I know how to wear a countryside-appropriate outfit even though I live in central London” Nighttime looks = “I know how to wear a black tie attire appropriate for an old wealthy family’s home even though I JUST TRIED TO TELL YOU THAT I LIVE IN CENTRAL LONDON” The key to dressing “country-casual” is appearing as though every item of clothing you’re wearing has been worn at least once before. New Barbour. Brand new Hunter boots.
Nope. In my coat closet I currently have a waxed cotton jacket that I purchased in 2006 for around £200. It now looks like I’ve owned it for 15 years.
Perfect. Jacket necessary for dinner. Depending on formality, tie may be too.
Leave your office suit at home. You’re wearing dark trousers, a button up, and nice shoes. If you’re over forty add a tie.
Under forty, go without. Pack layers. These homes are always too hot or too cold.
Last thing about country houses: if you get invited to one. GO. They’re amazing.
Gallery openings, museum tours, private views. These all autumn into the same category for me. “Dress appropriately” means three things. 1.
Don’t show up in your work uniform. Look familiar? Yeah, no one wants to see that at a gallery opening.
This is what I wear. Good dark jeans. I mean good.
Loud print/textured jacket that isn’t distracting. Leather shoes. Nothing flashy but also not crappy trainers.
Yes, even if you’re wearing trainers that are from Supreme and cost more than your rent. Leave them at home. 2.
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Fit and Fabric matter more than anything else. This navy jacket is actually made of a unique fabric that isn’t denim but you can’t really tell what it is. It’s also custom fit so it hangs perfectly on my shoulders and hangs just right in the body.
It clearly costs more than something you’d buy at J.Crew but it’s not “trying too hard.” Took me 15 years to find that balance. It doesn’t matter if you work in finance or the arts. People notice when you take pride in your appearance and LEAN INTO the theme of the event.
Guys who work in my industry worry far too much about wearing a tie to a gallery opening and end up overdressing entirely. Remember: UNDERDRESSED > OVERDRESSED. Horse Racing.
If I had to guess, I’d say this is the most misunderstood of all “British-appropriate” dress formulations. Royal Ascot has RULES you can read on a website. EVERY OTHER HORSE RACE you just sort of have to know.
Suit and tie at a MINIMUM. I can’t stress that last part enough. Suit and tie.
And by suit, I don’t mean something you picked up for $200 at Suitopia during a semi-annual sale. YOU ARE PART OF A THEATRE. You’re participating in a tradition that has been happening for literally centuries.
Act like it. American client. Goodwood.
Looser fit chinos. Blazer. There he is.
Let’s zoom in. TOO. LOOSE.
LET ME TELL YOU how OBVIOUS he looked all day. American football dad comfort meets English socialites and it just … wasn’t great. Fortunately he only had one glass of champagne so by the top of the hill he fit right in.
But holy fuck did I want to grab him by that hoodie and squeeze. Cricket. Now we’re getting into the more subtle “Dress Occasionally” situations.
These rules still apply, but with a bit more leeway. What I wear to Lords. Good-ish chinos.
Navy blazer. We have an actual tenant tailoring me clothes right now so this whole article kinda sucks for you guys who DON’T dress this way regularly. Good shirt.
Tidy hair. Low-key loafers. Members of The MCC still dress shirt, tie, blazer generally but you can get away with sans tie.
You shouldn’t be rocking your rugby club scarf though. That’ll definitely get you side-eye. County cricket is slightly more lax but that doesn’t mean you should show up in your football shirt.
Again. Good but not overtly stylish. Trad-ish but not old person.
Business dinners are quite possibly the trickiest meals you’ll ever navigate in your entire life. “Dress appropriately” for a business dinner in London means dark suit. White shirt. Conservative tie.
You don’t want to look trendy. You don’t want to look cheap. You want to look like you WORKED in London for a long time, got promoted, and became really fucking good at your job.
HOW you execute that is the hard part. Everything matters here. Shoes need to be real leather and in good repair.
Cufflinks are okay if you’re senior enough to not look like a complete douche wearing them. Keep them basic. Silver or gold.
No crazy coloured shirts or weird prints. Watches should be reserved and classic. No Apple Watches allowed unless you work in tech.
Belt should match your shoes perfectly. If it doesn’t, you’re doing it wrong. Young partners I see stumble over this kind of thing all the time.
They end up wearing athletic shoes with their suits or sad sport coats that look like they shop at JCPenny’s. Take your time. Buy pieces that are versatile enough to be dressed up or down depending on the occasion.
Speaking of regions… Different parts of the U.K. have different rules as to what “appropriately dressed” means. I drove through the Lake District once wearing jeans that I thought were casual enough. They were dark.
Clean. I wore a normal shirt with a V-neck jumper over it. And penny loafers.
Now let me paint you a picture of how I was received by the local tavern. I WAS SALTED. People avoided my eye.
I may or may not have been followed out of said pub by a leashed sheep just to make sure I left the property. Urban vs Rural UK is a REAL THING. Learn it.
Charity Events. Another classic “dress appropriately” boilerplate. You’re trying to strike a balance between showing respect to the charity by dressing well, but also showing the hosts that you take their event seriously enough to invest in dressing nice.
How you do that? Suit. No tie.
Fly under the radar. But a nice suit.
Not your work suit.
Seasonal Dress: Lastly, British dress will ALWAYS change with the season. Things that are perfectly acceptable to wear in August would look completely place in December. Some items come out during certain seasons that you just don’t see during others.
Linen for example is fantastic for Summer but would look weirdo wearing it in February to a garden party. Colours also come and go with seasons. Bright colours you may wear in Summer would look silly wearing the same colour come winter.
Seasonal fabrics come and go as well. Tweed might be okay for Autumn/Winter but you’re going to look like a tourist rocking that Chesterfield coat in July. TLDR: Ask any guest (not the host) if you have questions.
When in doubt, err on the side of formal, not informal. And most importantly, FITHIN<|end_of_document|>
