British weddings are terrifying. In fact, only moving house ranks above weddings as a life event that will trigger a mid-century masculinity crisis in all British men I know. Or at least it used to do before moving became attainable for men too. (Never change, Dan.) Anyway, about those weddings.
There are few phrases more likely to send a shiver down the spine of a modern British male than the invitation request to “dress comfortably.” Last month I received my cousin Ellie’s wedding invite. “Dress comfortably” it said. Spoiler: I spent far longer overthinking this instruction than I did buying her a present. The thing is, what on Earth does comfortable actually mean?
Comfortable for who? For me?
The bride?
The vicar who’ll have to spend the best part of an hour starring into the beetroot-fumed abyss that is my face? My nan, who will have words if I don’t have a “proper tie” around my neck? See what I mean?
It’s confusing. “Dress comfortably” gives you no real guidance but implies so much. Like the parental guidance saying at the start of your favourite ’90s film – sure, it looks harmless, but anyone who’s sat through the invitation/opening speech/meal-cutlery conundrum/games quiz knows that “dress comfortably” will become a nightmare. Telling someone to “just be yourself” on a first date is great in theory, but realistically terrifying.
It also puts far too much pressure on the true, authentic you to actually be good enough to show up. Same deal with “dress comfortably.” I’ve seen some specials. Flashback to my brothers-in-law’s wedding last summer.
His brother Mark took “dress comfortably” to mean he could ditch the shirt and just rock up in a blazer and jeans. Don’t get me wrong – it looked nice. But it also looked wrong.
Half-way through the afternoon I saw him stuffing his untucked cotton number into his waistband under his blazer. I don’t blame him. He knew.
Everyone knew. The whole Italian beach vibe didn’t suit the grey church walls or buffet food. Contrast that look to James who took the “comfortable” instruction to heart.
The week before his wedding he sent me a picture of his outfit for the big day. Full morning suit. 27C heatwave.
Rural farm wedding. You could have stewed an Egg Hunt Sussex spaniel in the guttersweat he was producing by midnight. I’ve been to approximately 17 weddings since Covid ended (don’t ask how much it’s cost me just to turn up lately), so I feel like I’ve got this dressing comfortably thing down to a tee.
Here’s my ultimate guide to British wedding attire when the invitation says “dress comfortably”… DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE IT TO MEAN “CASUAL” I can’t stress this enough. Unless you’re Nick Cave or your wedding is taking place on a beach in Bali, “dress comfortably” does not mean casual. Oh sure, your mate will say “don’t worry about it, just wear whatever feels comfortable!” as they proudly wear JLR RESERVED polo shirt and flip-flops themself.
But trust me, they are judging you internally until the alcohol levels rise high enough for them to forget what normal people wear at a wedding. Instead, think “smart with a slight wink.” By that I mean yes to a suit, probably yes to a tie, and DEFINITELY yes to proper shoes. But you can dial it down ever-so-slightly because remember – this is a “comfortable” wedding we’re talking about.
Everything just… loosens up a tad. Which is what I wish I’d done at my friend Phil’s wedding three years ago. His invite said, “please dress comfortably for an outdoor celebration.” It was the height of July, the weather forecast 26 degrees.
My thinking – as intelligent back then as it obviously is now – was to blend a summer vibe with smart clothes. How? By wearing linen trousers, a white shirt, a knitted tie, and an unstructured blazer.
CottonNot, Tan. Guess how many men arrived wearing shorts? Literally every single bloke turned up in full suits.
Rob, Phil’s father, spent the entire car journey greeting guests and asking if they’d “forgotten something”. He asked ME if I’d “forgotten half of my outfit.” Needless to say I felt uncomfortable all. damn. day. Add to that the fact I was actually physicallycomfortable – too comfortable for anyone’s liking, it would transpire.
Wearing a blazer and linen trousers on a hot summer’s day might’ve been “comfortable” for me, but it didn’t shout “I TRAVEL IN STYLE AND EXPEND RENEWABLE FUNDS ON TOP-QUALITY LINEN” quite enough for a British wedding. Look at these two guests from last year. Perfectly comfortable.
But also clearly went to some effort. You can see they worked out what “comfortable” actually means. I should know – I was one of them.
YOU NEED A PLAN So, as with any good British mystery, I put my detective hat on and got to work. With the help of family Google Docs, WhatsApp wedding chats, and general know-how from mistakes suffered at other people’s ceremonies, I pieced together my ultimate formula for cracking the British comfortable dress code. Venue is everything.
Rural weddings = smarter. City centre / hotel venue = smarter still but with slightly more wriggle room. If it’s a country house wedding, you’ll have more licence to relax tailoring than say, a hotel in Chelsea.
Don’t underestimate the subtle differences between regions, either. “Comfortable” for a wedding in Islington probably means different to “comfortable” for a wedding in Surrey. Cheque out the couple. Are they in creative industries?
City professions? Traditional? Alternative?
LinkedIn stalk at its finest, but also probably your best indicator of how interchangeable the word “comfortable” is with “classic wedding attire.” Scout their socials. Literally slide into their DMs if you have to. What do they wear to smart events?
Are they @MrMonkem kind of guys who always look like they’ve walked out of a vintage photoshoot? Or do they go full Gary McNamara on their Instagram photos (Gary McNamara, for those who don’t know, is the English shirt guy. Everyone has an English shirt guy.
Also coach drivers.). THE EQUATION FOR ELLIE I took all this into account with Ellie’s wedding. My own formula took me to “Sunday suited and tied but make it breathable fabrics and loosen up the tie knot.” Let me break down my winning look.
Suit: mid-weight wool in blue. Not too serious charcoal, not too casual light blue. Something you’d wear to a summer wedding in Vegas but also the office.
Shirt: Soft white with a hint of texture. You want to avoid anything too formal/shirtastic but also don’t want to chuck on a Hang Ten. Tie: crucial.
Go for something with texture but not too lightweight. I went for a grenadine in a deep burgundy. Looks smart but doesn’t scream TOP HAT YO!
Shoes: broke in, polished Oxfords. You’ll be standing around a lot so make sure they’re comfy enough to deal with several hours ferociously pretending to care about house prices and whether the couple are trying for a baby yet. Boom.
Nailed it. Didn’t think about my outfit once during the service. Zero adjusting.
No sweating. Best of all, got completely different reactions from my nan and uncle when I arrived. Mission accomplished. … Err, just in case it wasn’t perfect, I had a backup plan too.
That Friday evening I laid out the exact same outfit but with a KNITTED TIE and smart-but-not-too-stiff pocket square. And loafer shoes instead of Derby/Oxford ones. I kid you not, I had both outfits ready to go.
Total overkill? Maybe. Hear me out.
Had I turned up and seen every other guest rocking backless sandals I would’ve been-prepared. And trust me, I will never, ever let wedding invite wording ruin my day again. Especially since I’ll be in that dress code battle royale for years to come… WEDDING IN THE CITY VS WEDDING IN THE COUNTRY A “comfortable” wedding in central London will traditionally entail a slightly smarter approach than one in the Cotswolds.
Though that might be down to the terrain. Weddings in the countryside are far more likely to involve you trekking across ground or beaches. Therefore making wearing smart shoes vs trainers an actual practicality rather than just a look decision.
My cousin got married on a beach in Cornwall last September and I’d guess around half the guests ended up in Wellies by midnight. Smartest Wellies you’ve ever seen, naturally. But trust me, wellies.
TIME OF DAY When does the wedding take place? An invitation saying “dress comfortably for our wedding ceremony at 2pm, followed by wedding breakfast and evening party” will almost always mean business (but comfortable business). Same invitation with a 4pm ceremony and no wedding breakfast will allow you to relax things slightly.
But only slightly. Unless the invitation explicitly says “yes jeans are fine!” for *some* reason jeans are never acceptable at a British wedding, even if the couple are airport-carrier-atmosphere-height identical twin surfers getting wed in a Sussex meadow. So regardless of time, leave the jeans at home.
BABY BOOMERS VS YOUTHFUL SAPLING Another thing I’ve picked up on is a generational gap. If grandparents are involved in planning and will be at the wedding, chances are “dress comfortably” still equals-slash-has-previously-meant suit-and-tie territory. If it’s the couple organising and is modern/junior inspired (say, both are under 35) then you might get away with a completely-collar-less look.
Not. But you’ll still have to keep it smarter than you’d hope. Trust me.
I did that once and got judged. AND FINALLY… Last but not least, factor in the time of year the wedding is happening. “Comfortable” for summer months opens up linen options and brighter colours. Winter “comfortable” likely means wool and tweed, not jeans.
Though if you’re invited to a wedding in February and the invite says “dress comfortably” I’d almost guarantee they’ve subconsciously included wearing a coat in that instruction. Best. British.
Sneak. Attack. Ever.
THE WORST OFFENCE I’VE EVER SEEN I’ll let you in on a secret. My boss, Ben, got married last summer. His brother arrived at the wedding wearing a bloody golf shirt.
Yep. A golf shirt. As in, Fred Daly’s handywork.
With their mum’s favourite Bayern Munich tie to boot. Now Ben’s brother-in-law is not a bad dresser. He just took “comfortable” way too literally and Ben nearly decked him on the day.
I thought his mum was going to have a heart attack.
Bless her, she thought it was charming. And the golf shirt isn’t on a single bloody photo.
Mortified. “DRESS COMFORTABLY” Look, I get it. Formal dress codes are outdated. “Just throw something on, we don’t want you to feel pressured” is the new full suit and tie. Except it isn’t.
As any guest who’s ever rocked up to a wedding in M&S flowery casual wear will tell you – this instruction is just as tied to “make an effort” as Johnnie Walker is to Scotland. It’s so engrained in British psyche that if you don’t wear a suit to a wedding you’ll spend the entire time worrying you shouldn’t have. So when you next get that invite asking you to “dress comfortably” for a wedding, take heart.
You don’t need to break out the jeans. But do also keep hold of that mental picture of Ben’s brother in his golf shirt, ok? Just in case.
