Mike’s brother’s wedding was last spring, and Mike looked miserable the whole time. He’d put together a nice outfit – a jacket and slacks – and despite that, the jacket seemed to hate him. Whenever Mike raised his arms to clap, dance or reach for a beer someone would inevitably shout “ta-da!” The jacket would strangle him.
His trousers rode up so much that by the end of the night I suspected they’d tried to take up permanent residence around his thighs. Which, okay, they sort of had. “We spent eight hundred bucks on this thing,” Mike complained to me later on when we were corralling our kids at the reception hall. “Men’s Wearhouse guy swore it was perfect.” He scratched at his collar again. “Feels like I’m being slowly strangled by polyester.” Oh Mike. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about men and suits over the last few years it’s this: we want to look nice wearing them, we really do.
But we screw it up spectacularly every time. Blame it on having to buy a suit last minute for some event we don’t really understand or care about.
Blame it on terrible salesmen taking advantage of our ignorance.
Or just blame it on being men. Either way, suits make us dumb, dumb idiots. I’ve watched too many men suffer through bad tailoring to let it happen.
Here’s what dudes like us do wrong (and how to stop). Buying Ill-Fitting Boxes of Cloth This is by far the biggest problem I see men make. Every part of your suit should fit the way it was meant to fit YOUR body, not the body of whoever woke up before you and decided to buy that suit first.
Stop laughing. I know shoulders too wide for your frame, sleeves longer than your arms, and trousers tighter than your wallet are funny, but they’re not attractive. Let’s take me as an example.
When I first started dressing like a grown-up instead of a schlubby teenager with bad hormone-induced skin my suit looked something like Mike’s did at his brother’s wedding. Why? Because I bought a medium wash shirt and a size 42R suit because that’s what the label said I was.
Did it fit like someone tailored it to my body? No. But whatever, I looked good.
Or so I told myself. “You look ridiculous,” Lauren told me after I tried it on for the first time. That’s not quite what she said, but it’s what she meant. The shoulders barely stayed on my actual shoulders, my trousers were pooled around my ankles and could have used a belt… So, basics.
Shoulders: they should fit perfectly on your shoulders, not hang off of them. Sleeves: when your arms are relaxed at your sides, you should be able to see about half an inch of your shirt cuff poking out from under your jacket sleeve. Trousers: these should actually fit at your waist instead of how most of our jeans fit, somewhere around our belly-buttons.
They should also just barely touch your shoes when your legs are straight. Take care of these 3 things and you’ll look instantly better than the guy wandering around near you with weirdly draped clothing. Dropping Too Much Cash On Some Things and Too Little On Others Stop reading Real Simple, start trusting your instincts.
Everyone will try to tell you you “need” to spend $1,000+ on a suit that “fits like a glove” from some boutique designer shop. Newsflash: it doesn’t matter where you get your suit from as long as it fits and looks good on you. I’ve seen expensive suits from high-end retailers that looked like they should be hanging in the boy’s jeans department and I’ve seen great-looking inexpensive suits from your average department store.
My friend James wore a suit to our office holiday party last year that he purchased from Target. TARGET. But James had it tailored – spend the extra money to get your suit fitted to your body – so it actually looked great on him.
He ended up wearing that same suit last year to earn himself the nickname Captain America because it was a dark blue suit with red lining. It was awesome. Invest in alterations Unless you were born looking like you just stepped out of a Vince Camuto suit commercial, you need alterations.
Unless you get your suits tailored, off the rack suits will always fit you wrong in some way. Having your suit tailored is literally the difference between buying IKEA furniture and putting it together right. Mixing Patterns, Fabrics and Styles Like No Human Should Ever Have To Don’t worry about how many threads per inch your suit has or if it’s 80/20 wool, 60/2 cotton, or spun from kitten fur.
As long as it doesn’t look like you pulled your suit out of a dryer full of teeny tiny tennis balls you’re fine. For me, I went with a navy wool suit from Jos. A.
Bank that I’ve now had for about 4 years. Nothing fancy, but it gets the job done and can be dressed up or down depending on my shirt and tie. Here’s another great example of what not to do.
Matching aren’t colours. Formal suits and casual shoes. Dressy suits and t-shirts.
Guys doing this to themselves all the time. My cousin’s wedding was prime example. I showed up in a great suit… with sandals.
Colours have different formality levels. Generally speaking, darker = formal and lighter = casual. Materials are the same way.
The smoother the material, the fancier it is. Suit = fancy shoes and dress shirt. Light grey suit?
You can get away with some brown shoes and a more casual shirt. Just wear buttons correctly, okay? Look, buttons are confusing.
I know. On jackets with two buttons, always button the top one and never the bottom one. Three-button jackets, you button the middle one definitely and the top one optionally.
Got it? Good. Shirt and tie combos should be coordinated, not beating each other up Skinny tie?
Go with a wider lapel. Wide tie? Pair it with a slim lapel.
Too thick? You might be wide shouldered. Or just fat.
Take your pick. How does your suit fit when you put it on? If you can’t raise your arms without wincing, shimmy into a seat without looking like a Titanic survivor, or breathe without restriction, you shouldn’t wear that suit.
End of story. Listen, I get it. A lot of guys have had bad suit experiences, so they write the whole thing off completely.
They say “I hate suits!” when in reality they mean “I hate ill-fitting boxes of cloth that make me feel miserable and look stupid.” And hey, I hate those kind of suits too. But they don’t have to be that way. Okay, kids.
Here’s what I want you to take away from my Learned The Hard Way advice. Find yourself a local alterations guy. I’m not talking about SuitedOffBroadwayStreetWhoCharges500 bucks because you wore his comfy linen trousers wrong.
Someone who can make a store bought suit fit your body perfectly. Trust me, they are worth every penny. Buy the best you can afford but don’t feel like you need to spend a ton.
A good fitting $400 suit will look better than a $1,500 sack of awful that nobody’s bothering to tailor. Know yourself. If you’re slightly overweight like me, avoid those crazy slim body-hugging European style suits.
They make me look like a stuffed sausage. Find a cut that flatters your body type. Start with a solid foundational wardrobe.
Navy and charcoal are your friends and year-round wool is perfect for about 90% of the occasions you’ll need a suit. Unless you’re getting married tomorrow, don’t buy suits last minute. Every time I’ve had to do that I wind up with the wrong size trousers or a shirt that doesn’t fit.
Learn how to care for them. Hang them up properly, brush them out sometimes, and don’t overuse dry cleaning. These garments aren’t cheap, and they’re not disposable.
Treat them well and they’ll look better for longer. Wear the damn thing. Get used to wearing suits by wearing suits.
The more suits you wear the more comfortable you’ll feel wearing them.
Mike was wearing his suit jacket the other day at Jackson’s school awards ceremony. He didn’t have a tie on, but it wasn’t inappropriate by any means.
When I asked him about it he laughed and told me he had a meeting earlier with a client and decided to keep his suit on instead of changing. “Paid good money for the thing. Might as well get some use out of it,” he said. Now that’s the attitude you should have when wearing a suit.
Good suits aren’t something you pin on to feel fancy for a few hours. A well tailored suit should be the easiest way to look like you’re wearing everything together when you need to look put together. Kids puked on your favourite shirt this morning?
Went to bed at 4am last night entertaining your niece? You still have that suit. Suits are your friend.
Let’s make men stylish again, fellas.
