Testing Every Pair of High Street Jeans So You Don’t Have To (Spoiler: Some Are Actually Good)

I’m changing into what I swear is the 50th pair of jeans I’ve tried on this month. My thighs are burning from lifting denim trousers leg after denim trousers leg into position around my waist, Jackson is texting me asking when I’ll be home so we can work on his science project and I’m questioning why I ever decided to become a parent in the first place. But hey, somebody’s gotta do it.

Plus let’s be real here, I’m doing this for you. My friend Mike text me a picture of his brand-new pair of jeans literally ripping right down the crack of his ass while he sat down at his daughter’s preschool for a parent teacher conference. Literally how he spent his morning: sitting down to talk about how his daughter was struggling with addition with Mrs.

Peterson as his trousers split at the seam and exposed his Wranglers. “Bro, I paid $180 for these six months ago,” Mike replied when I asked him what the hell he was wearing. “Find me something that ain’t gonna break my bank account and drop my drawers when I bend over to tie my kid’s shoes for the 827th time today.” And there we have it. This boy’s monthly mission to hit every jean retailer within a 100-mile radius of his house so he can review approximately 27 pairs of jeans and spend more time in fitting rooms than is healthy for any human being ever started.

All so we can answer the age-old question: Can you actually buy quality jeans at retail these days without spending a small fortune?

Before we dive into my short list of winners and big ass losers, I want to set some ground rules. I’m not expecting miracles here. We all know Target jeans aren’t going to hold up to Supreme denim that cost more than most people’s rent.

But they should at least withstand Sophie wiping her snotty nose on my pant leg, not bag out after I’ve crawled around reading dinosaur books on the living room floor with Jackson and definitely not shrink into an ugly shade of mauve after two washes. Ok? Okay, onto the good stuff.

First up: M&S. I know what you’re thinking. That place where your pops buys his golf trousers and white belts that he wears with joggers.

Stop judging people’s closets, you cruel monster. Let me enlighten you. M&S makes fantastic jeans now.

Quality tops most other retailers in this price range by a long shot. The pair I’m wearing as I write this are 99% cotton, 1% elastane, which feels like it’ll stretch enough to run after your toddler without ripping but isn’t so stretchy that it feels like you’re wearing a jelly fish. The denim has actual weight to it.

It feels thick. It’s not the featherweight bondage material some brands use to cut costs. Where M&S really shines, however, is in construction.

Chain stitched hem and waistband, bartacked pocket corners and stress points, double stitching down seams. Details you won’t find on jeans that cost half as much. They retail for £65, about $80 USD.

That might not be “cheap” by fast fashion standards but they’ll easily last you longer than any other pair of jeans in this price range. Unless your child also enjoys using your trousers as a makeshift towel. Bonus Points: My neighbour Dave is a denim head.

Like really into denim. He has more pairs of jeans than my wife has shoes. He actually copped a pair of these jeans, something he begrudgingly admitted after our families spent Christmas at his house and he kept sneaking away to fix them at the sewing machine whenever he thought Lauren and I weren’t looking. “I won’t wear one of their jackets and throw it up on the raw denim forum for likes,” he told me conspiratorially as I inspected his surreptitious patch job. “But damn it Andy, these things are built like a mother.” Dave’s not wrong.

The fit on these guys is perfectly dad. They’re cut straight, with plenty of room in the thigh. I don’t have runner’s legs or skin and bones like I used to in my Snowpatrol jacket phase back in college.

These fit comfortably through my thigh while still offering a slim enough fit through the ankle that I don’t feel like I’m wearing slept-in cardboard when I need to chase my son around the playground. Speaking of high quality jeans that’ll make you feel like less of a toddler-howler at the park, let’s talk about Uniqlo. Yes, everyone knows about them now but hear me out.

Their selvedge jeans come in at a very reasonable $49.90 and might be the best value in this entire article. They’re 100% cotton and have that wonderful stiffness to them when you first buy them that makes Breaking In feel like a proud ritual instead of a ridiculous denial of physics. I’ve had a pair for almost three years now and they’re finally starting to fade and wear in all the right ways.

Pencil wallet outline along the back pocket. Honeycomb creases up the ass from months of bending over toddlers. Soft fades along the inside of my thighs.

They don’t come in a ton of fits. If you don’t autumn in their “regular” or “slim” size you’re shit outta luck. And “slim” here is slim.

Runners will love these trousers. Most guys will look like a marshmallow monster. I fell right in between sizing after a heavy thanksgiving weekend of Sophie’s birthday pizza and pillsbury biscuits so I tried them on.

And then I spent thirty minutes wrestling them off. “Tagged in waist?” Mike asked when I sent him the photo. Yep. Slutty.

This is where I lose some of you but hear me out on ARKET, H&M’s wannabe fancy jeans brand. Their Regular Jeans in “rigid” denim retail for about $95 these days but were the closest thing I found to “premium” denim that wasn’t well into the four figure zone. They’re 100% cotton with no elastane, meaning they’ll most definitely need to be broken in like real raw denim.

What does that mean? Basically a week or two of refusing to sit down correctly because they’re THAT stiff. Lauren thought I was being defeated by the excitement of toddler parenting when I first got these and attempted to wrestle around our living room like I’d been disowned by horses everywhere. “Walk normally for crying out loud Andy,” she hissed at me one Sunday morning as I hobbled around dropping toys for Jackson like some divorcée ruined by the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

But they’re worth the work. Seriously. Copper rivets.

Chain stitched waistband. Topstitched hem. Selvedge details.

Straight cut that fits closer to your body without feeling skinny or trendy. They actually look modern. Fuckin’ A.

Best of all: no gimmicks. No crazy stitching details down the outside of the legs that look like a Pornhub meme come to life. No intentional fades.

No wild colour choices. Just solid jeans that let the denim do the talking. Especially great if you’ve got lots of video meetings these days where you gotta look sharp from the waist up but still want to be able to roam your house unkempt hellion style down below.

I’m about to make enemies in the denim community but hear me out on Zara’s Premium Denim Collection. I can feel the hate rolling in from true denim aficionados already. Zara jeans aren’t perfect but… they’re not terrible?

Ok? Hear me out. This is fast fashion we’re talking about here.

They’ve got some seriously dodgy worker conditions across all their suppliers and retail outlets. But if you’re running on an insanely tight budget these slim fit ($55), 100% cotton jeans are actually really good for the price. Will they last you five years like your costly Filson inspired number?

Hell no. But for $55? I’d say you’re looking at maybe 18 months of solid wear before you start to notice fading or loosening at the seams.

Which honestly isn’t that bad for the price. Fit wise? Again, Zara really kills it in my books.

They make a slim that actually fits most body types. Creases down your thighs that make your ass look AMAZING in jeans that somehow work with both trainers and boots. They’re about as dad-friendly as you can get in the slim world.

Just beware that colours WILL bleed when you first get them. I still have blue dust on my white desk chair from wearing these the first week I bought them. Before we jump into the big fat LETDOWN section of this article, I just wanna briefly mention what used to be Topman.

You know, before they sold the brand to ASOS and basically ruined everything about it. Back when Topman was good. The fits I tried on ranged from non-existent to Who The F*CK does MY waist measurement change by 4 inches depending on which cut I grab from the rack??

Hoodloops thought I was playing some sort of prank on him when I text him that photo. The denim felt thin and weak. Like they’d been slept in already.

You could literally see WHERE they started ripping at the hips just from me putting them on. Trust me when I say there will be no durable construction here. Sorry Topman.

You had potential. Same story from River Island. Their jeans look amazing hanging in the store but god are they lacking in substance.

Super thin denim that feels cheaper with each stretch of the fabric. Easy to see where pockets started ripping at the seams from trying them on. At $55 a pair you’re already pushed up against the budget of these ‘as-seen-in-Vogue’ brands so there’s absolutely no reason to put up with such poor quality just because the jeans look cool sitting there.

UGH where do I start on you guys?? Former darlings of the high street. Ones I LOVED wearing in my stupid dickgirl days wayyy back in early 2010s Topanga.

Let’s start with quality, shall we? They used to be great. Built like a mother.

Tons ofstoffweight. Now? Cheap as hell feeling denim that’s faded into oblivion and cuts so slim you’d think guys were *still* wearing boysenberry skinny jeans from that one J.Crew commercial.

I tried on three different pairs between their “modern” fit, “core” fit and even their Target collab collection and could not for the life of me figure out why my waist ranged from 32 inches to 36 inches depending on the cut. THREE PAIRS OF JEANS IS WHAT I TRIED ON! Seriously Gent & Charlie.

What the actual hell? Their jeans used to be great. Remember when you used to care about clothing quality?

Because I sure as hell do. RIP you guys. Here comes the curveball to end all curveballs… COS makes REALLY good jeans now.

Like…. better than I expected. Especially for their straight fit. Prices range from about $75-100 for their different denim styles but their straight fit comes in around $95 and might be my personal favourite of any “mid-tier” brand on this list.

The denim feels thick. Substantial. Like it’ll actually stand up to being worn.

Not everyone has runner’s legs or skin and bones like they did through the early 2010s when every brand and their mum thought skinny was the new black (or should I say slim grey?) Their straight fit gives you some room in the thigh without being ballooned out. They even offer different lengths! Hallelujah!

As a 6’1” guy I’m usually stuck between standard lengths that wear short as hell or long lengths that I have to tailor immediately. Save your blue tape mountains of lunch meat and get thee to COS my fellow jeans shopping brothers. THE SHOCKER.

Next actually makes quality jeans these days. FUCK YEAH NEXT. I know.

I wasn’t convinced either when I walked into their denim section. Last time I bought jeans from Next was back when I was let down by aforementioned disappointment and picked a pair up in anger hoping they’d magically FIX THEMSELVES because Jordan was late and I was late rocking stupid jeans with holes up the ass that ripped after TWO DAYS of pathetic wearing. But guys.

Props where props are due. Next has stepped their game the hell up. Fabric ages well, construction ain’t half bad considering how they sell jeans for less than you’d spend at some fast food joints these days and pricing actually reflects quality.

It’s not my first pick over M&S or Uniqlo but hey. If you’re already down at Next picking up golf trousers and footy jerseys for the kids those jeans might not be the worst thing ever. TLDR?

Message me and Mike both when you inevitably discover your new favourite pair of jeans rip after sitting down during an important moment in life. We’ll listen to your tale of woe and recommend some more places to kick your tiny blue leather butt…rotating around Ikea furniture and bending over into impossible positions for toddler parenting fail videos too long. The real lesson here?

There are GOOD options for jeans these days. Sure, you’ll have to dig through a million pairs of cheapass polyester blends and thin as hell fabrics but brands like M&S, Uniqlo, COS and even Next are proving that you can buy solid jeans at retail these days. If you know where to look.

My personal sweet spot is around $65-100. Anything under $65 feels like you’re compromising TOO much on quality. Once you get into the $100+$ realm?

Yeah, we’re back into sock skinny jeans and crazy stitching details that look like pornography came to fucking life and raped your trousers. I’ll end this article with my full rankings if you don’t feel like reading my life story. Best overall?

Tie between M&S Selvedge and Uniqlo Selvedge.

Factoring in that small boost of premium feel and retail price TAGNEXT:ARKET takes second place. Best relaxed fit?

COS all day long. Brands worth checking out if you’re shopping in that department? Next and Zara.

Hit up all those links and you’ll find the rest of my thoughts on each brand. So there you have it. Guys can spot quality denim from a mile away nowadays.

Hell, I can STILL feel the burn from breaking in these $95 jeans all over again as I type this with my legs crossed. Point being, there is a happy medium these days between $200+ jeans and falling apart faster than you can say “Simon Cowell” at retail. And now you know where to find it.

Just be prepared to spend more Saturday afternoons in motherfucking changing rooms than is morally acceptable for any one person.